I used to be so ashamed of my resume. The jobs I held throughout my twenties averaged a duration of 1.5 years, with none of them surpassing two.
As my job history grew, I thought there was something seriously wrong with me. Why could everyone else stay content in their jobs for multiple years on end and I couldn’t? What did I lack? What was the secret?
I felt so restless. I loved every job at the start. The challenge of learning something new excited me. It brought excitement, intrigue, and a challenge, but without fail it faded after a matter of months and with it my contentment in the job.
Was I too entitled to think I should have a job I enjoyed?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Was I delusional to want to derive meaning and fulfillment from my work?⠀⠀
As my job history accumulated I became more self-aware. If I looked for it, each job experience contained a discovery about myself. I learned a new skill or interest I had. By the time I reached my thirties, I had a firm grasp of what I liked and disliked in a job. Eventually, a pattern emerged. When I moved past the shame I felt, I understood I was an entrepreneur at heart.
The truth was, I had always been seeking meaningful work – something I feel connected to. Over time I came to realize that for me, part of that means running the show. Everywhere I’d worked before, I felt boxed in. Doing my own thing allows me freedom and creativity I yearn for.
Furthermore, as a woman living in a small town, well-paying jobs are hard to come by. Creating my own business is also about earning an income I desire, which is otherwise impossible sans going back to school or going down some other road that includes uprooting my life.
I know that I have a bit of restlessness in me and my careers as an entrepreneur will likely change or evolve from what they are now, in fact, they already have.
In my mid-twenties, I found myself between jobs. I decided to open my first Etsy shop only to get a job two weeks later. I had yet to accept being my own boss as a possible reality. A 9-5 was the only way I knew how to make money.
In 2016, I left a managerial role to start a flower farm. I loved it. I got to spend my days outside, work with my hands, and grow beautiful flowers that brought so much joy to my incredible customers. But relocating for my husband’s job brought it to a premature end.
Fast-forward to 2020 when I left the 9-5 scene once again to have not one but two businesses of my own: working as a jewelry-maker and life coach.
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It took a lot of shifts to arrive where I am now. I had to build the belief in myself, face my fears, fail, and keep going – again, and again, and again.
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There have been ups and downs and there will continue to be. Being human means I still mess up, and I get stalled by fear and doubt. I become paralyzed by overthinking at times. The difference now is that I’m familiar with my patterns. I know that after a hard day I have renewed energy and inspiration. I’m also learning how to break through these cycles a little faster every time.
It may not always be easy, but I wouldn’t change it. I love the challenge. I love the varied responsibilities. I love the endless learning. I love the fact that no one but me determines my income, workload, and daily tasks.
I’ve finally found the right fit for my restless spirit — at least for now. 😉
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